UPDATE ON MADELINE!
Above all…first and foremost…I would like to apologize for my long absence from the group. You know, when I started Proud Air Force Moms, I couldn’t stress enough the fact that we needed to lean on each other during the stressful times of having a child in BMT, Tech School, a far away base from home and, as in my case, deployment. Even though I knew that, I did the opposite. I put on a good front, but inside I shut down. What a HUGE mistake!!! I hope you will all forgive me once I tell you what has been happening in my life over the past several months.
Secondly, I want to apologize for the lengthy post to follow. It’s not as long as War and Peace, but pretty close! Here goes.
Some background info. My son, Matthew, and my daughter, Brittany, are twins. Brittany is a sophomore at Northern Illinois University. Her roommate this year is Matthew’s girlfriend, Caitlin. I always loved Caitlin…sweet girl, very respectful, nice family, loved my son. And Matthew was just head over heels in love with her and that made me happy. After all, what more can a mother want than for her children to find someone to love and be happy with? After Tech School, Matthew was assigned to Nellis AFB in Las Vegas. Not bad for a 20-year old, huh? He was there from April to December. During that time, he flew Caitlin out 3 times to see him and spend some time with him. Paid for everything. And that’s fine…he’s got a job and she’s in college with limited funds. Never a problem. He thought she was “the one.” Talked about marriage down the line…after she finished college. Good kids with level heads.
Matthew left for Iraq in early December. At first, as you can imagine, he was beyond stressed. Going to that God-forsaken place and doing what he had to do and was trained to do, took an incredible toll on him. Every time we would Skype, you could see the frustration and depression on his face. It took him over a month to get used to the time change, work schedule and atmosphere. When he finally came to terms with the situation, he talked to me constantly about how excited he was to come home and see everyone, especially Caitlin. He was just counting down the days to his return to the States in June.
Then in early February all hell broke loose. My daughter’s boyfriend, JT, rents an apartment just off campus with a few of his friends. Brittany has known them since she started at NIU. When Matthew left he asked Brittany to keep an eye on Caitlin…you know, show her around, help her get acquainted with the campus and meet new friends. So, when Brittany would go to the apartment, Caitlin would go with. Well, it seems as though Caitlin developed an attraction to one of JT’s roommates. JT found out about some things Caitlin did from his friend, told Brittany and made her promise not to tell anyone…but she told me. Caitlin took naked pictures of herself on her phone and sent them to this guy. Then flashed her boobs to his guy. Then allowed him to…and I’m so embarrassed to say this…place his mouth on them and…well, you get the drift.
Brittany and I were devastated, and torn. Do we tell Matthew or not? I didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell him while he was overseas. That kind of news is never easy to hear, and even rougher when he is where he is! Then, a week later, JT tells Brittany that his friend told him that he and Caitlin slept together! Twice! Can you believe that? Brittany was inconsolable when she called to tell me. How could she do that to my son? I truly did not want him to know ANY of this…not until he came home.
Well, Murphy’s Law reared it’s ugly head and, somehow, it leaked out to Matthew. He was so hurt. And to make it worse, just a week or two earlier, the fiancé of one of his fellow Airmen broke up with him and this young man, Derek, committed suicide. I was beside myself. I had no idea what to say or do. I was so afraid that Matthew would do something. Luckily, he didn’t. He confronted her on the phone and she told him what she did. Come to find out, she only told him half of the story. To this day he does not know that she went to bed with this guy. Oh, my God…what do I do?
It’s been 2 months of sheer hell for all of us. Then Caitlin’s mom gets involved in this and accuses Matthew of not being more attentive or supportive to her daughter. Are you f****** kidding me? Sorry, ladies, blood pressure starting to spike… Oh, wait…I forgot…my son is fighting not only for his own life but your sorry ass and he’s supposed to be attentive and supportive to your daughter who is enjoying all of the freedoms that my son and every other military member are fighting for? Then Brittany and Caitlin got into it over spring break. When Brittany went back to NIU, she discovered that Caitlin had changed rooms. Good thinking on her part…I’m sure Brittany would not have held anything back with regard to her twin brother! (I knew I raised her right! lol!)
Get ready for the BEST part…this is not the first time the little slut has done this. Every single time Matthew has left, she has cheated on him. He left for BMT October 2009; 4 days later at her prom she was heavy necking with someone. He forgave her. He left for Nellis AFB in April 2010; that spring she got drunk and made out with yet another guy. Matthew found out about this right before he came home in October for my birthday and, the final visit before his deployment. He forgave her AGAIN! Beyond me. Now this.
Things have seemed to calm down and he has accepted the fact that she might not be the one for him. You think???? He still occasionally talks to her on the phone and, has hinted to Brittany that when he comes home in June he might want to try and talk to her and straighten things out. Really? Is he that stupid? WHAT TO DO! Brittany and I have decided not to say anything to him until he comes home. He only has 2 more months to go. Is this a wise decision? Have we made the right decision in not telling him the whole truth?
This whole situation has totally consumed me. On top of that, I was laid off from work during February and March and just returned last week. My husband was off work for a while due to a back injury. I did mention Murphy’s Law, didn’t I?
So, my wonderful, fellow AF moms, that’s been my topsy-turvy, rollercoaster ride of a life.
I’ve tried to play catch up today on the site, but going back over 2 months seems daunting! I’ll need some time on that! I do see that we have some new members. Thanks for joining. This really is an awesome group of ladies that can help with whatever you need them to help with. Just don’t do what I did and fall off the face of the earth! I promise not to do that again…EVER!
So, as this horribly long explanation comes to an end, I say thank you to all of the other moms who carried the torch for me during my absence. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Feel free to give me some advice on this…I could use it. I am very thankful to have you ladies in my life…love to all of you!
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Lynette on -
Madeline, I'm so glad to finally hear from you, but terribly sorry to hear of all the turmoil in your family. I really don't feel qualified to give too much advice. My son has only had one girlfriend in high school and she started shoplifting, drinking, smoking, etc at the end of their senior year so he dropped her, he had already signed up for the AF and did not want anything to happen that might keep him out. My gut feeling though is you and your daughter are doing the right thing in not telling him all the gory details, there is nothing he can do from Iraq so this would just upset him more. Listening to my son and son-in-law though this happens more than you would like to think. I sometimes think that is why Grant is not in a hurry to get a girlfriend. Hopefully in the next 2 months your son will realize he deserves someone who will treat him better. (((HUGS))) and I will keep your son and family in my prayers.
-
-
Permalink Reply by Tiffany Greene on -
Oh my dear, dear, dear Madeline. First let me say that I am SO THRILLED to hear from you and know that you are ok. Second, you are human, and if you needed time to take care of things at home then that's what you do. No forgiveness needed sweetie. Third, I think I speak for all of us when I say we are all willing to support you and help you and shoulder your burdens with you, just lean on us and we will be your rock.
Now as for the slut...um..(cough) ...girlfriend situation.....if I were in your shoes, I would ABSOLUTELY NOT TELL HIM ANYTHING MORE. He does not need personal drama in any way shape or form while he is in hostile territory. He needs to be completely focused on his job and nothing else. If he becomes emotionally distracted, he could make mistakes, and devastating consequences could result. He knows enough already. Leave it alone until he returns. The last thing you want to do is push him over the edge when his job over there is difficult already. If I was you, and I talked to my son a few more times before he comes home, dont bring it up at all. If he brings the girlfriend up, tell him that it's not important now and he needs to stay focused on his job and not worry about that right now. He needs to see that if she is not 100% supporting him in his job and sacrifice, then he needs to shut that off mentally. He needs to rid himself of the negativity. Try to steer his thinking and offer positive support and pride and love for what he is doing right now.
That is from my heart Madeline, telling it like I see it. That is exactly what I would tell my own son in that situation. I would never, ever allow a "girl" like that to risk my son's life or alter or ruin his career. I would tell the girlfriend and her mother right to their faces that they had better back the hell off or they will have to go through me and it will not end well for either of them.
I hope that helps a bit.......I'm here for you if you need to talk :-)
Madeline, welcome back to the wingmom family, you were missed. Love you sweetie!! XOXOXO
-
-
Permalink Reply by Julie Pierce on -
Madeline! I am so happy to hear from you!! I just today asked about you again because I was concerned! I am glad you are ok but so sorry to hear of all the things going on in your life! I think you are doing the right thing not telling him yet. I think it will be best to tell him when he has the support and love of family around him. Sounds to me like he could do much better than her and maybe he will find a cute little Airmen who he would have more in common with. I will be praying for all of you and I just want to give you a big (((((HUG)))))))!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Denise on -
Madeline,
Although we have not had the chance to speak to each other but a few times since I have joined I was very concerend about you as well. You made me feel so welcome from the start. This site, that you started, has been the biggest source of strength for me while my son went through BMT. I NEVER could have made it without all of these great ladies here and to you I have to say a great big THANK YOU!! I told so many moms about this group while I was at graduation last week and I hope some of them look us up and join.
My lord what you have been through the past few months, God Bless you. I agree 150% with all the posts that you shouldn't tell him anymore. What a sad story to do that to someone after all he is going through to defend our country. It makes me sick so I can only imagine how you and your family must feel. I would have a mouthful to say to the little BIT** and her mom. Maybe if she would have been more ATTENTIVE to her daughter and taught her the right things she wouldn't be the type of person she is... you learn what you see in my opinion..
You obviosuly raised your son the right way if he can be so forgiving and can look the other way in the name of "love", too bad her mom can't say the same thing.
You will be in my prayers that all works out and I think he will see her true colors once he hears it all.
Tiffany is so right too much drama!!
My son also has a girlfriend, whom I like very much, I just hope she can handle this whole situation of being away from him for so long. She took it really hard when we said goodbye to him after graduation, as we all did, but it's a different situation.
So Madeline WELCOME BACK, it's great to hear from you and it will all work out just keep your chin up and think positive.
Denise
-
-
Permalink Reply by Madeline Fuller on -
Thank you so much Lynette, Tiffany, Julie and Denise. I'm thrilled to know that you agree with Brittany and me in not telling Matthew. As a matter of fact, when Matthew left for BMT, I told every family member and friend that when they wrote to Matthew to keep everything light. No bad news whatsoever! Even said that when he got deployed.
You're right, Tiffany, he has to stay focused. It was a little shaky when this all started, and I was nervous but, thank God, Matthew is of the mindset that when the time comes and he needs to focus on the job at hand, he does what he has to do. By the way, the mother and girlfriend decided to say those horrible things to Brittany and not me. They both know that if they even thought that kind of crap in front of me that I would have unleashed a verbal attack on them the likes of which they have never seen. But, when and if I do see either of them (and they best hope I don't!), I will tell them exactly what I think of them for saying those awful things to my daughter!
Thank you, Denise, for your kinds words about this site. That was the biggest reason for starting this group. I didn't know where to turn when BMT started and had no idea how rough it really was going to be. So, thank you!
And Julie, wouldn't that be great if he did find a girl in the AF! At least they know devotion and commitment and can understand the ups and downs of military life. I'll keep my fingers crossed!!!
Lynette, I hope Grant finds a nice girl, too. But I'm with you...no hurry! Matthew had a bad breakup before Caitlin and after this, I think he's a little apprehensive in the relationship department. And don't they always say, when you're not looking for love, it finds you? Unexpectedly, too!
Thanks, again, ladies for all your kind words. I, too, will keep your Airmen and your families in my prayers! {{{{HUGS}}}} to all of you!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Shannon Looper on -
Madeline,
Like Tiffany said, you owe no apologies. You are our WingSister and whatever you need, be it space, or support, we are and will always be here for you. You certainly have had your hands full.
Your son's situation is so sad and God Bless you and your daughter for protecting your son from as much of it as you have been. Sad that somehow it leaked to him during this trying time in his life. I do agree that he should not have to deal with any more of her immature drama, or her Mother's. Her comments are absolutely rediculous. I still can not bealieve what I read.
Hang in there Madeline and be there for your children. We got your back Girlie! We got your back!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Tambra R Fulk on -
Madeline,
I am very sorry to hear about all the turmoil in your sons life at such a rough time for him. Just remember that all of this will somehow make him stronger. I think you are wise in leaving out all the sorted details until he comes home. Obviously you raised a level headed son, after all he is in the military!!! He will get thru this, BELIEVE IT!!!!!!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Sherri Bowman on -
I too don't really have any advise to add. Just want to send a HUG.
-
-
Permalink Reply by Madeline Fuller on
-
Thanks, ladies...not only for the advice but the HUGS! Truly needed!!!! What's that saying, God never gives you more than you can handle? Well, he must think I can handle a lot more than I think I can! If He's testing me, I hope I get a passing grade. In fact, I think I can graduate now!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Jennifer Miller on
-
Madeline
So glad that you are back!!!!!
I have to agree with everyone else..... the last thing your son needs is anymore stress and drama. These situations are best handled in person when the hugs and support are right there in front of you. Anything else he needs to know can wait till he comes home safe and sound!!!! (((((HUGS))))) to you and your daughter!!!!!!
Take care and never forget you have a lot of very strong women here to back you up!
-
-
Permalink Reply by Marti Knoll on -
OMG Madeline! We were so very worried about you and we are so glad you are okay...as I think I speak for everyone here!
And I agree....do not go into detail until he is home and around the love of your family. She is something else...and obviously she would cheat on him every time he was deployed.....she is not meant to be a military wife...she would never make it! And your son would be on pins and needles every time he was out of the house--that is no way to live.
I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you; being in and having the military in your life is difficult enough without this drama, you know!
We all love you! Take care and know we are here for you ALWAYS!!!!! Much love to you and your family~Marti
-
-
Permalink Reply by Madeline Fuller on
-
Thanks, Jennifer and Marti! Very happy to start getting into the swing of things!
-
Events
-
Summer Camp for Tweens and Teens (w/Military Discount!)
June 1, 2013 to August 19, 2013 – Various states across the U.S.
American Wanderer Summer Camp would like to invite military kids from across the U.S. to explore our National Parks this summer! They offer unique 2 week camp sessions exploring over 34 Parks in Ariz…
Organized by Owners, Lyn and Chris Kimberly | Type: summer, camp
2 Comments 1 Like
-
Family Support Group
August 14, 2013 from 6pm to 8pm – Fredericksburg Baptist Church
Open to all family members, dependents, and caretakers of: • OIF/OEF, Vietnam, & Desert Storm veterans • Reserve and National Guard members • Military contractors deployed in a combat theatre • C…
Organized by Suzanna Erlichman | Type: support, group
0 Comments 0 Likes
Top Content
Birthdays
Happy Birthday To...
Birthdays Tomorrow
© 2013 Created by Lori Bell.
