Above all…first and foremost…I would like to apologize for my long absence from the group. You know, when I started Proud Air Force Moms, I couldn’t stress enough the fact that we needed to lean on each other during the stressful times of having a child in BMT, Tech School, a far away base from home and, as in my case, deployment. Even though I knew that, I did the opposite. I put on a good front, but inside I shut down. What a HUGE mistake!!! I hope you will all forgive me once I tell you what has been happening in my life over the past several months.
Secondly, I want to apologize for the lengthy post to follow. It’s not as long as War and Peace, but pretty close! Here goes.
Some background info. My son, Matthew, and my daughter, Brittany, are twins. Brittany is a sophomore at Northern Illinois University. Her roommate this year is Matthew’s girlfriend, Caitlin. I always loved Caitlin…sweet girl, very respectful, nice family, loved my son. And Matthew was just head over heels in love with her and that made me happy. After all, what more can a mother want than for her children to find someone to love and be happy with? After Tech School, Matthew was assigned to Nellis AFB in Las Vegas. Not bad for a 20-year old, huh? He was there from April to December. During that time, he flew Caitlin out 3 times to see him and spend some time with him. Paid for everything. And that’s fine…he’s got a job and she’s in college with limited funds. Never a problem. He thought she was “the one.” Talked about marriage down the line…after she finished college. Good kids with level heads.
Matthew left for Iraq in early December. At first, as you can imagine, he was beyond stressed. Going to that God-forsaken place and doing what he had to do and was trained to do, took an incredible toll on him. Every time we would Skype, you could see the frustration and depression on his face. It took him over a month to get used to the time change, work schedule and atmosphere. When he finally came to terms with the situation, he talked to me constantly about how excited he was to come home and see everyone, especially Caitlin. He was just counting down the days to his return to the States in June.
Then in early February all hell broke loose. My daughter’s boyfriend, JT, rents an apartment just off campus with a few of his friends. Brittany has known them since she started at NIU. When Matthew left he asked Brittany to keep an eye on Caitlin…you know, show her around, help her get acquainted with the campus and meet new friends. So, when Brittany would go to the apartment, Caitlin would go with. Well, it seems as though Caitlin developed an attraction to one of JT’s roommates. JT found out about some things Caitlin did from his friend, told Brittany and made her promise not to tell anyone…but she told me. Caitlin took naked pictures of herself on her phone and sent them to this guy. Then flashed her boobs to his guy. Then allowed him to…and I’m so embarrassed to say this…place his mouth on them and…well, you get the drift.
Brittany and I were devastated, and torn. Do we tell Matthew or not? I didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell him while he was overseas. That kind of news is never easy to hear, and even rougher when he is where he is! Then, a week later, JT tells Brittany that his friend told him that he and Caitlin slept together! Twice! Can you believe that? Brittany was inconsolable when she called to tell me. How could she do that to my son? I truly did not want him to know ANY of this…not until he came home.
Well, Murphy’s Law reared it’s ugly head and, somehow, it leaked out to Matthew. He was so hurt. And to make it worse, just a week or two earlier, the fiancé of one of his fellow Airmen broke up with him and this young man, Derek, committed suicide. I was beside myself. I had no idea what to say or do. I was so afraid that Matthew would do something. Luckily, he didn’t. He confronted her on the phone and she told him what she did. Come to find out, she only told him half of the story. To this day he does not know that she went to bed with this guy. Oh, my God…what do I do?
It’s been 2 months of sheer hell for all of us. Then Caitlin’s mom gets involved in this and accuses Matthew of not being more attentive or supportive to her daughter. Are you f****** kidding me? Sorry, ladies, blood pressure starting to spike… Oh, wait…I forgot…my son is fighting not only for his own life but your sorry ass and he’s supposed to be attentive and supportive to your daughter who is enjoying all of the freedoms that my son and every other military member are fighting for? Then Brittany and Caitlin got into it over spring break. When Brittany went back to NIU, she discovered that Caitlin had changed rooms. Good thinking on her part…I’m sure Brittany would not have held anything back with regard to her twin brother! (I knew I raised her right! lol!)
Get ready for the BEST part…this is not the first time the little slut has done this. Every single time Matthew has left, she has cheated on him. He left for BMT October 2009; 4 days later at her prom she was heavy necking with someone. He forgave her. He left for Nellis AFB in April 2010; that spring she got drunk and made out with yet another guy. Matthew found out about this right before he came home in October for my birthday and, the final visit before his deployment. He forgave her AGAIN! Beyond me. Now this.
Things have seemed to calm down and he has accepted the fact that she might not be the one for him. You think???? He still occasionally talks to her on the phone and, has hinted to Brittany that when he comes home in June he might want to try and talk to her and straighten things out. Really? Is he that stupid? WHAT TO DO! Brittany and I have decided not to say anything to him until he comes home. He only has 2 more months to go. Is this a wise decision? Have we made the right decision in not telling him the whole truth?
This whole situation has totally consumed me. On top of that, I was laid off from work during February and March and just returned last week. My husband was off work for a while due to a back injury. I did mention Murphy’s Law, didn’t I?
So, my wonderful, fellow AF moms, that’s been my topsy-turvy, rollercoaster ride of a life.
I’ve tried to play catch up today on the site, but going back over 2 months seems daunting! I’ll need some time on that! I do see that we have some new members. Thanks for joining. This really is an awesome group of ladies that can help with whatever you need them to help with. Just don’t do what I did and fall off the face of the earth! I promise not to do that again…EVER!
So, as this horribly long explanation comes to an end, I say thank you to all of the other moms who carried the torch for me during my absence. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Feel free to give me some advice on this…I could use it. I am very thankful to have you ladies in my life…love to all of you!
Hello Madeline! When my PT employee's husband came back from deployment, they were required to go through some counseling courses, it brought the solider up-to-date on current events and also gave couples the opportunity to re-adjust. She also told me that the single soliders had a similar counseling.
I honestly don't know if the Air Force does that same type of "re-entry" or "re-adustment" type courses but it may not hurt to find out and then see if there is a counselor that could give you some advice on how to tell your son the whole story. They may even offer a family type session for you all to help.
Sadly I think this does happen a lot to guys and gals that deploy.
Good to hear from you and I'm sorry it's been a rough start to 2011, heres to hoping it gets easier and light as the year progresses!
Thanks, Kathy, I'll try and find out about the counseling. Unfortunately, it does happen a lot...way too much. Isn't it sad that our sons/daughters go over there to do the job they were trained to do for what seems to them to be an unbelievably long time, and they hold steadfast to the time they can return home to that special someone, only to find out that they can't handle the separation and breakup with them or, worse, cheat on them! Oh, I just get SO MAD! I don't understand how you can do that. I truly don't!
Ok, sorry, tantrum over! Thank you for the counseling suggestion. Will let you know what I find out. I, too, am praying for an improved year!
Oh Madeline, I don't know what to say other than to offer my hugs and support. I don't know that I would have done anything different that you. I know how hard it is for our guys to be overseas away from family and friends. I hope that Matthew will see this girl for what she really is and realize that he will find that special someone that will always be there for him. I know that Erik doesn't have a steady or serious girlfriend either home or at his base. In someways I guess that is good. A week ago today, I put him on a plane back to Germany thinking that he would be happy to get back to his friends there and his job/routine. On the way home from the airport, my daughter told me that he had told her a couple of days before that he didn't want to go back and wanted to stay home longer. Talk about ripping your heart out. I haven't let him know that I know, but I was chatting with him last night and we talked about him coming stateside in January when he is up for base transfer. He said he was going to and I told him he could come home and us visit him more often. I think that helped him.
If you would like, I could send him a card to say thanks and thinking of him. I hope these last couple of months go by quickly for him and you. If your son and daughter are like mine, your daughter will be protective of him and set him straight with this girl when he comes home. Lots of hugs to you all.