PROUD AIR FORCE MOMS

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Comment by Madeline Fuller on September 24, 2010 at 4:06pm

Kathy, as you can see from the posts, you are not alone! I think we all felt, and still do feel, that our family and friends don't understand us. And they don't. No one except a fellow military mom understands the incredible lows we deal with on a daily basis. We have children, make them the center of our lives, care, clothe, feed, protect and support them and then all of a sudden, one day, we are asked to give that all up. That's what's so difficult. It is hard to let go. We know that we raise our children to be independent and take wings and grow up to be a strong person. But when you are a military mom, that's a whole different story. So many people have said to me, I know how you feel, I felt the same way when my son/daughter left for college. College!? Are you kidding me? DO NOT TELL ME YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL! You don't. Your child comes home for weekends, holidays and the entire summer. Mine doesn't. Our children are away for months on end with no leave, being trained and deployed to every God-forsaken war torn country there is, so that you can enjoy and relish in your American freedom, and you have the nerve to tell me how you feel!!?? Only a military mom knows how I feel. And sometimes, like now, I just have to vent on this. Sorry, but now I feel better.

Cindy, thank you for all of you kind comments. As I said before, that's why I started this group. No one I knew could understand what I was going through. All of you moms have been a gift from God for me, too!

And I see nothing wrong with your keeping your son's room the way it is. After all, it's his room and always will be. I did the same thing. As crazy as it seems, I would go in Matthew's room when no one was home, close the door, look around, put on some of his favorite music, grab his pillow that had his cologne scent on it and lay in his bed sobbing for hours on end. As a matter of fact, he left a bottle of his cologne in this room and when his scent starts to fade, I spray the pillow. Is this pathetic? No. It's cathartic for me. Makes me feel close to him. If I can't feel his arms around me, then his belongings will have to suffice for now. You are not weak. Believe me, we all understand how hard it is.

Tammy, you are not the only Air Force Crying Mom. I think that title belongs to all of us because we have all been there...and still are there! That's what all of us moms are here for; to listen, cry and share our feelings no matter how devastated we feel. So don't apologize to us. I am just so happy to hear that you son arrived safely and I will continue to pray for him, and all of our sons and daughters who are serving their country. Just keep posting as often as you want about anything you want. All of us will be here for you when you need us.

One last thing. I am going to need all of your support sooner than I thought. Matthew just found out yesterday that his deployment date has been moved up from early December to mid November. So, Cindy, it looks like November is going to be the start of the roughest time in our lives. And to add to the incredible sadness, he was told that there might be a chance that he will not be able to come home before he deploys due to a manpower shortage, whatever that means. So, if he can't come to me, I will go to him. There is no way on the face of this earth that I will let my son go to war and not spend time with him and say goodbye to him before he leaves. NO WAY! Hopefully that changes. We'll see.

OK. Enough of my babbling on and on. I'm crying so much now that I literally can't see the keyboard or screen, so I think that's my cue to go. Be brave and strong, fellow AF moms. I'm trying... Love to each and every one of you fantastic ladies.

Comment by Christine Moody on September 24, 2010 at 3:37pm

No, you are not crazy. I did the same thing with Scott's room. It took a long time before I would even let guests use it. I share very little about my son being away even when I'm asked. I just say he's fine - thanks for asking. One "good" friend who I don't even want to talk to any more said - "Remember, it's his choice and just tell him to keep his head down".

Comment by Cindy on September 24, 2010 at 12:33pm

Oh my, I am sitting here choked up and crying just reading these comments. It's such a horrible feeling. I know all of us mom feels so helpless, and wish we could save and protect them from this. Even though our son is our only child, and we have a 3 bedroom house, we chose to keep his bedroom just as his bedroom. It will always be his bedroom. We have a new queen size bed in there, a flat screen tv, entertainment center, and dresser for him whenever he comes home to visit. Nobody understands me why I keep it that way, and not turn it into a crafts room, or a family room/den. I say "no way", it will always be Rob's room, and if we have other guests, it is a very nice room for them to stay in also. As a matter of fact, I just went through there today with my swiffer duster, and dusted it down. I was crying so hard, I could hardly see. Of course we have pictures of him on the walls, and it just chokes me up. I had to leave, and go to another room. Can you believe I am that weak of a person? People just don't understand me. They think I'm crazy I'm sure. I just don't talk to them anymore about my son. It's so hard.

Comment by Christine Moody on September 24, 2010 at 8:42am

We all cry when our children leave and it's OK. My family is use to me doing it. My 5 year old grandson goes - "Nana's crying, I'll go get the tissues"! The last time my son left he text me and said that he was on his way out of the country and to tell everyone he says hi. I just stopped breathing, sat down and cried. It's OK, Moms can do that.

Comment by Tammy S. Sams on September 23, 2010 at 8:49pm

Well I thought I was going to get through this but today I woke up with knots in my stomach and then I went to the computer to find out my son was on the plane to his last stop for many months. Ive been upset all day the tears started again. They had to send me home from work I felt awful, with fear for my son. He later contacted us to say he was at his destination and it was awful and smelled. Its going to be a long holiday season without him. Ladies this support group I need so much no one understand how we feel. Thanks for listening to be The crying Air Force mom Tammy

Comment by Cindy on September 23, 2010 at 8:33pm

Hi Kathy, and welcome!!! This group has really been a "sanity saver" for me. My son hasn't even left for his deployment yet, and I am soooo dreading the day. It looks like he may be going sometime in November for 4 - 6 months. I'm sure while he is gone, this group will be my second home. It's so nice to be able to come and vent your feelings with others who are in the same situation you are. Our group leader, Madeline, has been a life saver for me. When I am having a tuff day, and my mind wanders, it seems she is always here for me. It's great!!! Thanks Madeline.

Tammy, I feel so sorry for you. I can't imagine what it will be like when my son actually leaves the U.S. He is still at his home base, and I am already stressing over it. I totally understand the "crying" motions. Believe me, I do my share of that also. It's so hard to be tough. I try really hard, but as I said in one of my earlier posts, I feel like when its time to say "goodbye", I lose all control, and it just happens. I don't like for him to see me that way. I usually just have to turn around and walk away. I hate it.

Christine, I'm glad you found the USPS site to order your boxes. I always keep a supply of them on hand. Once you put the boxes together, they don't really look all that big, but you will be surprised at how much you can get in them.

Well ladies, I just wanted to stop by and say "hi" to you all, and see how everybody is doing. Take care, stay strong, and tell your son/daughters "thank you" for what they are doing for our country. Send them all a virtual hug from me.

Comment by Kathy Bailey on September 23, 2010 at 1:53pm

Hello, my son Nick, joined the Air Force in May. He is currently in tech school and we are going to go and pick him up next week for a two week stay! He then goes to Alaska for three years. My emotions have been a rollercoaster and I don't think my family understands me at times. I'm very proud of him but also very sad to let go. I'm glad to have found a community of moms that understand!

Comment by Madeline Fuller on September 23, 2010 at 11:20am

I see we have a new member to our group, Kathy Bailey. Welcome, Kathy! Please let us know all about you and your son/daughter. Hope you enjoy the many comments we have posted. Great support group and lots of helpful hints.

Christine, you are a pillar! I don't know how you are able to keep it all together with a son, daughter and son-in-law and husband all involved in the military! I'm near my wits end with having just my son deploying soon.

Thanks for all the hints on PO boxes. I will definitely use them to send Matthew things from home. No doubt food is a plus!!!!

Comment by Christine Moody on September 23, 2010 at 9:44am

Hello AF Moms,
Hope that everyone is doing OK. I'm fine if I don't listen to the news. Not only do I have to worry about my son, daughter and son-in-law, my husband just got home from Israel after working on a contract there. I need more stress. At least he's home.
I sent my daughter on Sat. am 3 flat rate America Supports You boxes, that are free from the Post Office, and she got them on Tues. I couldn't believe she got them so quickly and neither could I. These boxes are great as you can stuff a lot of items in them.

Comment by Tammy S. Sams on September 22, 2010 at 11:23pm

Hello everyone, I did find usps.com and ordered boxes this morning. It was very easy. The dessert is about 30 degress in morning and evening. I saw a picture of Brad this morning on facebook and his jacket was pulled up to his cheeks and looked very cold. Hes a Floridian so cold is hard. He needs warm blankets. He is not to his final destination but I sure hope we still have alot of contact. He looks tired but he had a smile on his face. It was so hard before he deployed I dont think you can keep your sanity when they leave. You cry, and cry some more. When your with him your strong but then they go and you cry. Sorry I dont have any advice All I know is our sons and daughters are so brave and we need to be like them. Stay busy because if your mind starts to wonder you guessed it you cry. Im getting ready to put a big yellow ribbon on my oak tree. I fly the american flag proudly and pray for my son everyday, and all the other men and women who serve our country. Mothers be strong its very hard but we will get through this together. Thank you all for your support .

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