Military kids and reintegration
I have a 10 month old girl, a 3 year old boy and an 8 year old boy. My husband has been underway and thne just got back from a 4 month dployment(humanitarian). Well, anyway, I just wanted to know if ANYONE has had issues with older kids 6-10 who have had behavioural issues when their Mommy or Daddy has come back. The school feels as if, my son should be happy. I feel the same way, but it is hard. Hard going from Mommy telling him what to do, to be able to "play" Mommy against Daddy. When my husband was gone kids heard that my sons Daddy was gone. He has been told his Daddy is going to die b/c he is going to war. Well, he is not going to war, he is on a ship, but try to explain that to an eight year old.
We as spouses get taught so much about deployment, but what about reintegration?
Things I have tried
1. Keeping the same schedule
2. Having dinner as a family
3. Spending 30 min.. with just my 8 year old a night
Oh, we are going to be going through deployment in another 6 months. How much fun can this be?
Comment
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Comment by Rebekah Ann Long on January 23, 2011 at 3:34pm -
Just ordered the book from Military One Source. My 8 year old is involved with Cub Scouts, Aikido (a type of Karate).
THANK YOU ALL for all the good feedback. It is a public school, which makes it hard. Good part, we go to the Navy hospital for his PCM and they are working with us to see what they can suggest.
These replies gave me chills. We were apart of Focus which gave us ideas about reintagration, but hearing it from other spouses helps so much.
Leaning on you all as a support, REALLY does help. It helps to know there are other families who have their ups and downs.
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Comment by Marti Knoll on January 23, 2011 at 3:14pm -
Rebekah,
What Sarah said is exactly right, that is perfectly normal behavior. Definately get the book! Is your son going to a public /private or on base school? I would think if it is on base, that the teachers would understand this behavior, as this happens often with all families. I am a teacher, and I would expect that there would be some behavior issues before, during and after the deployment. It is difficult for an 8 year old to process all of the information pertaining to war, deployments, etc. as those are such abstract ideas for a child. I would talk to the teachers and the school counselor, maybe give them a copy of the book!!! But the whole playing mom against dad--Heck my kids pitted me against their father and their father was not military, we were just divorced. I think the best thing you can do is keep the schedule, and do exactly the three things you did above. Children need and want us to teach them structure. Sounds like you are on the right track! Get him involved in other activities, like the Y, martial arts, art classes, and anything in your area that will give him an outlet will help as well. Also, you find time to take care of you......take a yoga class, read a book, get a sitter and just have some mommy time even if it is for an hour each week, so you can rejuvinate to be as calm and relaxed as possible (if that is possible with three kids...I know I have four!!!) And of course, lean on all of us! We really understand you. Best of luck to you!
Marti
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